#q!bad is gonna be the death of me one day

[the-crimson]

I was just listening to some sad music while thinking about q!bbh and… the eggs changed him. They saved him in a sense. All of them.

When Bad first arrived at the island he was aimless and much like Foolish, looking for the next subject of entertainment. He was only out for himself and couldn’t be bothered to lend a helping hand to anyone.

Then he was given a little egg with a top hat and everything changed. He had someone vulnerable to look out for, to provide for, and suddenly he was given purpose. All of these little eggs were precious beyond words and everything was perfect until it wasn’t.

Charlie tried to murder Dapper right in front of Bad. That was the first time Bad felt fear in a long long time then a deep sadness settled in when he learned Juanaflippa had died and that’s what sent Slime on his rampage and everything suddenly felt so much more real. The illusion of perfection broke and Bad realized, truly realized, just what Dapper meant to him.

Juanaflippa was brought back but then a hat trick of tragedy strikes and Bad is forever changed. Bad has a chance to walk Tilin home but she chooses to go with Slime who accidentally kills her. Juanaflippa chooses to stay with Mariana and he accidentally kills her - again. And Trump dies of neglect alone in an empty house. (Cc!Bad mentioned on stream a while back that the admins had asked him if he could do Trump’s tasks but Bad didn’t realize how dire the situation was- he blames himself)

Within the span of 24 hours, three eggs died and Bad could have saved each of them. This is when everything changes for Bad’s character. This is where Bad vows that no egg was ever going to die of neglect again. This is when Bad started grinding to become the richest person on the server and ensured that all the eggs had maxed out armor at all times. These eggs dying the way they did is what created the Badboyhalo we knew.

Bad created the warp plate system in the sky so he’d be able to reach just about anywhere near spawn to save an egg if they went down. He is the one who discovered the true utility of warp stones and spread that information across the server. He is the one who informed everyone of the autoeat and XP pump functions of the backpack and set up all the eggs with infinite XP so their armor would never break.

He was so incredibly damaged by these eggs dying that he turned all his hyper vigilance towards protecting the remaining eggs even if he barely knew the parents or the eggs themselves. He would never say no to someone asking for help ever again.

Bad went from selfish and out for himself to the most selfless person on the server. He was a demon seeking entertainment in the wake of eternity and transformed into a servant of the people who gave his life again and again for others without question.

Getting Dapper primed Bad for change. Dapper was the crack in the stone that allowed the walls within him to shatter when Juanaflippa, Tilin, and Trump died. Ever since that tragic day, all of the eggs became part of Bad’s family.… and now they are gone.

Dapper and their siblings brought out the best of Bad. They saved him from a cycle of chaotic indifference. And now he’s alone again. Everything he’s done to protect them has been for nothing. Everything he’s changed, the steps he took towards healing millennia old traumas… all of that was for not.

Some wounds cut too deep to heal. Even with all the progress Bad made, he still valued his entire self worth on how useful he was to others, on protecting the eggs. Every time something happened to the kids, he took it as a personal failure. When Bobby died, he blamed himself for not going with them on the adventure. Now they are gone gone. They fled. They are somewhere Bad can’t follow. He failed them. He had one job and he failed.

It doesn’t matter what happens to him now. Getting them back is all that matters. Bad’s world has lost all vibrancy and he’s physically fading away. He doesn’t notice because he can’t let himself. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is getting them back. But even if he does… it’s already too late. He failed. He couldn’t protect them. He failed.

When the eggs come back changed (hatched?) all he will see is his failure. If he lives long enough to see his babies return, will they give him the strength to come back from this? Or will their presence give him the reassurance that… it’s okay. He doesn’t need to fight anymore. They are safe now. He can let go. One last goodbye.

Fuck man. I’ve been here since the beginning. Since the second day Bad had Dapper. I’ve watched almost every single stream since. I’ve watched Bad change in real time. I’ve watched Dapper and the other eggs change him. I stayed up until 3 am watching Bad bargain with god to save his son from an unfair death. I’ve watched Bad chase desperately across the map only to arrive moments too late to find Ramon’s corpse. I’ve watched him sit silently weeping while waiting for Jaiden and Roier to say their last goodbyes. I still remember his screams for Dapper when they were killed by pillagers. I remember them stranded in the snow tens of thousands of blocks from safety with no items no food Dapper couldn’t even speak. Terrified that it could end then and there.

The fact that this whole journey has lead us here. Bad is literally dying because he failed them. He failed them in a hundred different ways but this was the big one. This failure broke him. If Bad does end up dying dying at the end of this arc… that would both be the most narratively satisfying yet heart breaking thing that could possibly happen. The eggs saved him in a million different ways. It makes sense that they would also be the death of him.

Bad’s a demon and a grim reaper so I doubt he’d stay dead but I could see Dapper and friends going on a quest to bring him back from where ever demons/grim reapers go when they die. Maybe he’ll finally get some closure from the tragedies he’s left in his wake all throughout history. Maybe he’ll get a chance to truly start over with a clean slate.

Fuck now I’m thinking about Dapper having ti live through their dad sacrificing himself for them and their siblings. We know Dapper was borderline suicidal before being taken so just… Dapper seeing themself in Bad too late and not being able to save him. Killing himself for the greater good. Dapper refusing to accept that Bad is gone and spending every waking minute researching how to bring him back by any means necessary but knowing Bad would want them to move on, to live, to live, to live.

I have no idea where Bad’s character is going. I have no idea if he’s gonna go full villain and burn the server to destroy the federation. I have no idea if he’s gonna sacrifice himself and die trying to get the eggs back. I have no idea if his grief is literally killing him and he’s acting so desperate with the knowledge that he’s on borrowed time. All I know is cc!Bad is gonna take us on one hell of a ride and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

[alchemicaladarna]

So I was listening to the "Everything Everywhere At the End of Time" album for the first time today, and I was also reading the description the creator (The Caretaker) wrote, and I was reminded just how much q!Bad's lore hurts and why I adore it so much.

This music, this piece of art that explores dementia throughout its advancements and totality, kind of made me realize why q!bad, his story and character, the past few months is just a sucker-punch to the gut. If you take away all the fantastical elements about him being a demon and grim reaper and all that and just look at the story from the perspective of a father who is slowly losing his senses and memories of his loved ones, the last five months just became more heartbreaking.

Q!Bad's story, of course, isn't exactly a narrative that details the stages of dementia, but I think it's heavily inspired by it. And I guess I've just now realized that it's so fitting this arc lasted for so long because in this way, we saw just how much q!Bad's been affected by losing his memories and senses and growing weaker.

It's a tragedy because it's a slow burn to death. The last three days hit especially hard because it's all coming to an end right? The finality of it all. The happy... no, not happy- but best ending you can hope for after all this is isn't "oh, they found a cure now he's gonna get better" it's "oh...it's finally over, he can rest now and hopefully be at peace"

Anyways if you like q!Bad's lore I highly recommend you to check it out.

[pompadorbz]

q!phil is fascinating to me because when like. removed from the fuckin. qsmp universe itself phil is just being a goofy guy. a silly jokester. The smiling grinner knows the world's its dinner. but if you like. read everything he does as being a part of qsmp's story and universe he. suddenly and completely unintentionally becomes. me. the most autistic creature to ever live. like how do you handle a situation that is actually dead serious? how do you. tell the difference between a serious loss and a bit if death and injury typically harbors no consequence for the person you just lost? how do you comfort a person in ways that aren't just giving them stuff to keep their mind off of their troubles? what if they don't feel like talking right now? What if telling them that the problem can be fixed isn't enough? am I supposed to be the one comforting them? Idk how to do that! I wasn't given the handbook on the way in! I thought you were supposed to tell me your problems so that I can occasionally nod and say stuff like "man that sucks so bad, im sorry"! You guys can sit cramped and yell on the duck cart in the tunnel of love all you want im gonna sit on the grass instead is that cool. I'm gonna lag behind and appear late at every event because I wanna take things slowly here is that fine. And again. totally unintentional ofc so I can't get entirely mad when people make posts that are of the vain of: "Damn! Get a grip q!phil!" or whatever. Like I'm just seeing something that reminds me of. me. If other people don't see it then thats not a fault of them but like. It just kinda gut-punch kick-to-the-throat reminds me of how I've lived literally every day of my life. a bit. yknow? and idc if thats a bit of a goofy reading cuz like. its mine. also this is. my blog. heart.

[isa-ghost]

My friend

I am gonna do it

WHAT ARE YOUR Q!PHIL HEADCANONS MY FRIEND

YESSSSSS

Here's Set 1 and Set 2

Now M O R E

He won't do it without prompting because he'll feel like an ass giving nobody else room to talk, but if someone got him on the topic of like. Exploration or flight or something, he could talk for hours. He's extremely knowledgeable and passionate about stuff like that, most times because he has centuries of experience

I don't want to diagnose cc!Phil or whatever bc I know he doesn't like when people do that, but to me his rp character is free reign. And as a psych major with ADHD who's focusing on the study of neurodivergent disorders: this man is hella ADHD coded. He's told too many personal stories that are relatable to me for me to be silent about it. I'm 🤝🏻 this crow man

In his case this isn't a nd trait but instead a crow one, but he experiences echolalia sometimes. Funny things or certain noises he hears just scratch an itch in his bird brain real good, he can't help but repeat it for a while

The way to Phil's heart is good food, fun to be around, and kicking ass. If you can tick those 3 things off for yourself, you're Phil Approved

He'll say he doesn't fall for peer pressure, and often times he's right. But on rare occasions someone like Fit or Etoiles can convince him to do smth he maybe wouldn't at first. It's easier to win him over when he's drunk

cc!Phil has talked abt how he gets a weird confidence boost when he's drunk as shit. That's real for q!Phil too. He could be staggering slurring speech drunk and still snipe something like 50 blocks away. It makes Fit and Etoiles want to kiss him about it

He has intentionally made almost his entire wardrobe varying shades of green, which he pairs with black, red & gold. He thinks it's funny to have a branded wardrobe like an anime character

Idr how canon dsmp is to q!Phil but he still has the friendship emerald charm hanging from his hat. Perhaps it's from the Antarctic Empire days instead. Idk, I just like the character design of Dangly Thing On Hat Brim too much to exclude it from his design in my head (I should rlly attempt to doodle my Phil beyond the random notebook ones I've done. Maybe I'll post those if asked idk)

Don't underestimate this man's ability to get dramatic. Tallulah ain't the only one in the family that can go hard

I wouldn't say he has a bad temper. He's very well-practiced at self-control. However, there are certain things that set him off so severely, he throws self-control out the window. Those things aren't worthy of him trying to be "the bigger person." They deserve their ass handed to them right here right now (see: The Codes pre-current lore).

In a similar vein, when the situation isn't one of those special Fuck This incidences, he still doesn't have a temper, but when he finally snaps, he SNAPS. Like on a The Polycule be like "mark me down as scared and horny" level of snap. When you get on the Angel of Death's last fucking nerve he let's you KNOW.

I'm self-projecting here: this fucking idiot man has a detrimental habit of insisting on handling stuff like anxiety alone. He hates when people see him without his composure. It's not even like an embarrassing thing, it's just very uncomfortable to him. So when a panic attack hits or he finally concedes and let's himself cry, it's alone. And sometimes that makes it worse. But even that doesn't make him change his mind. "Keep it together for the kids," right? :')

Having a stroke about thunderstorms is a reflex. Even on Quesadilla Island, the second he hears thunder he reaches for a trident like a dork.

He near-obsessively preens his wings because he doesn't want the Federation, or anyone else for that matter, getting ahold of his feathers when they shed. He doesn't know wtf they could do with those and he doesn't wanna find out.

And yet somehow Missa and Lullah both have a couple feathers that he's shed and he has no idea. Lullah wants to make a necklace out of them.

[kiyoumie]

featuring: timeskip!kenma (kodzuken).

warnings: cringe probably, very cliché plot, gn!reader.

note: pls this was a writing after like 3 years, i’m sorry if there are incorrect grammars :’

the lights in his room are dimmed, only his gaming lights are switched on. kenma's sharp eyes stings when he turned on his desktop for the ninth time of the day.

he gets his live ready, he just hit 10 million subscribers and now he wants to celebrate it with a Q&A with his fans. well, he promised his fans anyways, there's no going back now.

as his live starts, the camera turns on and he sees the chat run saying their his and hellos. some fans notice his eyebags, worrying about his appearance. some are donating already, throwing thousands of yens to him.

his appearance is quite bad. eyebags visible and you can literally see the tiredness in his eyes. his shoulders looks weak. but he can't back up now, he tweeted that he was gonna be live to celebrate his new achievement.

kenma giggles, “thank you for the dono.. kodzulove. yes, yes, we’re doing a Q&A today. don’t worry, i promised you guys..”

he looks down searching for something. it took him a second since his room is dark. he shows his fans his favorite black hair tie and begin to tie up his dyed hair into a bun. a lot of his fans goes crazy over this, kenma doesn’t realize why though. somehow it’s hot to them.

“alright. let’s start! first of all, congratulations for me for hitting 10 million subscribers. but of course i wouldn’t achieve this without you all …” kenma continues to ramble about his achievement and his gratitude towards his fans.

“.. okay, i’ve rambled too much. let’s start the Q&A now, remember that i can’t see every question because you guys are going fast in the chat. maybe i should turn on slow-mode.” kenma sighs into the mic and coughs before starting.

he reads out a question, “why did you start your channel?”

“pretty much because i liked gaming since i was a child. then i found out i can make money out of it, so.. yeah.” he smiles.

“can you prank kuroo again?”

kenma laughed as he read the question, he remembers the day he pranked kuroo by wasting his money to buy fucking apple pies from the nearby bakery, “soon. maybe. that might be a death wish though.”

“when can we see you play observation duty?”

“ah, right! i’ll play that soon, the horror game won the poll i started right?”

after a few questions, kenma got bored until he finds an unusual question. his fans mostly questions him about him and his gaming industry. only a few would ask him about his private life, his true fans knows that kenma doesn’t like being questioned about his real life.

“kenma, how’s your partner?”

he reveals a sweet smile before speaking, “they’re doing great. they’re currently doing their essay in the room beside mine. you know, they brought me dinner and dessert to my desk today just before i started this live. i said thank you but i genuinely feel like i can’t show them the love they deserve.

my partner has been spoiling me these days and i just wanna say that it’s cute. when i got home yesterday, my desk was clean. no, my room was clean. then i saw them sleeping on my bean bag..”

kenma stops and reads a comment, “yeah, the green bean bag one fan bought me. thank you for that by the way.”

“but anyways, i just wanna say that i love them so much and i feel like i don’t deserve them. yeah, yeah. i get it. i never say these type of things. but really, i feel like i don’t appreciate their love enough. what do you guys think i should do for them?” he leans down to his chair for awhile.

his chat goes crazy, a lot of awws and suggestions were said. donations flows in quick and he can hear the notifications in his ears.

‘take them out to a date!’

‘get them a gift!’

kenma gets up and giggles while waving his hands in front of his camera, “i’ll do your suggestions. okay, enough of that. next!”

kenma knows that you’re doing your essay right now, but what he doesn’t know is that you have him in the background while you do your work.

you are absolutely ready for a surprise tomorrow.

[qstarhalo]

q!Bad songs + their lyrics ★-

-`.✎ Ver. 2

─⊹⊱☆⊰⊹─

˖◛⁺˖ | Hello and welcome to the second version/list of q!Bad songs!! Just like last time, before we get to the songs, I do want to say that some songs contain triggering content. As far as I've seen, there's nothing that I think should be tagged but do please let me know if there should!!! And another thing! There is a section for instrumentals (?) at the bottom as well!! Now with all that out of the way, remember that each list will contain 25 songs and the link to the previous version will be right after this message. If you want to ask me anything about the songs, always feel free! Now enjoy :D

★ Ver. 1 ★

─⊹⊱☆⊰⊹─

Stranger Things Mash-up - Thomas Sanders:

★ "It doesn't hurt me"

★ "Do you wanna hear about the deal that I'm making?"

★ "If you're lost, you can look and you will find me. Time after time"

★ "If you fall, I will catch you"

★ "I'll be waiting, time after time."

★ "And if I only could, I'd make a deal with God. And I'd get him to swap our places"

★ "But see how deep the bullet lies"

★ "Show no fear (oh), for she may fade away"

★ "Oh, come on angel. Come on, come on darlin'. Let's exchange the experience"

Romantic Homicide - d4vd:

★ "I'm scared. It feels like you don't care."

★ "I don't mean to be complacent with the decision you made, but why?"

★ "In the back of my mind, you died"

★ "And I'm sick of waiting patiently for someone that won't even arrive"

★ "In the back of my mind, I killed you. And I don't even regret it. I can't believe I said it"

Evelyn Evelyn - Evelyn Evelyn:

★ "Why do we bother to stay? // Why are you running away?"

★ "What if they find us? // They're not looking anyway"

★ "This is our birthday, so why are we weeping?"

★ "Well, I never asked for this, I never wanted this"

★ "Just get away from me, please just stop touching me. You're always trying to be somebody else"

Fire Drill - Melanie Martinez:

★ "I've never fit in any category, always deemed an outcast"

★ "It's exactly the same, they say, 'Why do you dress that way? Why do you act that way? Why aren't you just like me?'"

★ "Calling me words I'm not, paintin' a picture that's false"

★ "You must not know my heart, but I know it isn't your fault"

★ "Fire drill, if it all went up in flames one day, would you give your mom a hug before your house burned away?"

★ "If I'm honest with you, you just run and hide"

★ "I am not the government. I am not the f★cked up men. I am not part of anything that is hateful"

What If Things Get Worse - Kaden MacKay:

★ "What if things get worse long before they get better and you can't reverse all the damage you've done?"

★ "There is need to fret, though you can bet it'll get better but probably not yet or ever, so don't hold your breath"

★ "Actually, hold it as long as you need 'cause you locked your own cage, and you'll never be freed"

★ "And the only thing that is approaching with speed is your death"

★ "You're gonna die! You're gonna die! You're gonna die!! You're gonna die!"

★ "Why do I imagine events that won't happen? I deserve a badge in Creative Design"

★ "So go on, keep telling yourself that it's fine"

★ "And you'll just keep falling, no calling for help"

Rule #21 - Momento Mori - Fish in a Birdcage:

★ "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Filling up my coffee cup, one way to shake me up. I never wanted to sleep"

★ "Oh I won't forget, Momento Mori leaves a debt. You haven't paid it yet. I never wanted to sleep"

★ "Inside a timeless cage"

★ "Like a muzzled hound, I'm tied and bound. A wild beast crying for release"

★ "I never wanted to sleep"

Are You Satisfied? - MARIANA:

★ "It's not my problem if you don't see what I see. And I do not give a d★mn if you don't believe"

★ "Are you satisfied with an average life?"

★ "Baby, nothing comes for free"

★ "They say I'm a control freak"

★ "It's my problem, it's my problem, if I feel the need to hide"

★ "Are you satisfied with an easy ride?"

★ "Black, white (Are you satisfied? Are you satisfied?)

Angry Too - Lola Blanc:

★ "I buried the unseemly urges deep down in the ground with the roots. But it's all coming up to the surface, maybe it's getting ready bloom"

★ "And I don't wanna be a Monster in the making"

★ "I don't know how to be just standing by blankly, not getting angry"

★ "'And does it get your blood boiling? Does it make you see red? Do you wanna destroy it? Does it get in your head?'"

★ "'Cause it gets my blood boiling and I'm coming unglued"

★ "If you knew what I knew, you would be angry too"

★ "I'm seeing through crimson sunglasses"

★ "I don't wanna be controlled by the past"

★ "Boy, if you were me, could you really blame me?"

★ "'Calm down girl, why you so mad? Why's your heart gone rotten? Oh, good girl, why you upset?' Guess they have forgotten what they did."

Sweet Hibiscus Tea - Penelope Scott:

★ "Here's the thing, I can't do anything right"

★ "The walls are empty, it's so ugly I could burn the whole place down"

★ "And I'm so tiny and so old, and God it's never been so cold"

★ "I don't know what I need"

Finding Mr. Midnight - Random Encounters:

★ "I've seen a world unlike any you've seen"

★ "I know a pain like you wouldn't believe, one that rips me apart at the seams"

★ "I've seen the end of a number of lives and I wonder if I've caused a few"

★ "Am I a ghost?"

★ "I hear voices. All these noises. Are my choices gone?"

★ "You can taunt me, haunt me, it won't change a thing"

★ "Every memory is a mystery or lie"

★ "Just beware the shadows lies. He'll surround you, drown you, bury you alive. But you'll shake him, break him, each time you survive"

& - Tally Hall:

★ "Shame on a martyr, claiming friends from either perspective of 'and'"

★ "Weak and strong"

★ "And right and wrong"

★ "And live and die"

★ "And sane and gone"

★ "And love and not"

★ "And all the and's that we forgot"

★ "And new and old"

★ "And stop and go"

★ "And hot and cold"

★ "Dark and light"

★ "Their lies stuck beside every 'and'"

★ "Sound and silence"

★ "Stop the peace and keep the violence"

★ "No and yes"

★ "It lives with sad and happiness"

★ "It might be Heavens and it might be Hell"

★ "Oh, the things we do, the things we say"

★ "Oh, the things we wish we could wash away"

Ghost Rule - JudyPhonic (english cover):

★ "I only know how to lie, I guess I really can't dodge it this time"

★ "Things don't look better today, the mask I wear is crumbling away"

★ "I didn't see what was happening to me"

★ "I know I'm nothing more than an empty ghost"

★ "An empty shell of lies, and it haunts me so"

★ "Although 'no' is what I meant, I gave a 'yes' and lied again"

★ "Was so busy talking away, unknown to me, I was digging my grave"

★ "The guilt, it's here to stay"

★ "Since honesty is hard for me to find today"

★ "An empty shell that's nothing but a void at most"

★ "I'm greeted by a 'me' I didn't know again"

★ "When you look at me, who do you actually see?"

★ "Mayday! Tell them who I really am. Since everything I know's about to meet its end"

Arcade (acoustic version) - Duncan Laurence:

★ "A broken heart is all that's left"

★ "I'm still fixing all the cracks. "

★ "Lost a couple of pieces when I carried it, carried it, carried it home"

★ "I'm afraid of all I am"

★ "My mind feels like a foreign land"

★ "Silence ringing inside my head"

★ "Small town boy in a big arcade. I got addicted to a losing game."

★ "All I know, all I know. Loving you is a losing game"

★ "I saw the end 'fore it begun. Still I carried, I carried, I carry on"

★ "I don't like your games, game over"

Rule #5 - James Picard - Fish in a Birdcage, Hannah Epperson:

★ "With the flame he ignited, he thought I would change"

★ "As I rose from the ashes, I embraced his rage"

★ "Fear has unleashed the storm through so much pain"

★ "The fire spread throughout my bones instead"

★ "I'm aware of the storm that has stained our air"

Saline Solution - Wilbur Soot:

★ "I think this time I'm dieing"

★ "I'm not melodramatic, I'm just pragmatic beyond any reasoning for thinking I've got f★cking rabies or something"

★ "I think I've lost my mind"

★ "Blurring the fact and the fiction"

★ "Bite the tablet, elixir. Disintegrate, mouth's a mixer"

★ "If I could just break one more night. Maybe I could wake up and feel alright"

★ "I think I've made my choice. I'm a deceased playing victim. Slip the fate, slip the victory"

★ "I think I've made my choice. Sink secluded in hatred. Void the plans friends are making"

★ "I'm a leech sucking blood bags. Taste defeat, it's a sandbag"

★ "Saline solution to all your problems"

Borderline - Tame Impala:

★ "Gone a little far. Gone a little far this time with something"

★ "How was I to know? How was I to know this high came rushing?"

★ "I wonder how I managed to end up in this place"

★ "We're on the borderline, caught between the tides of pain and rapture"

★ "Then I saw the time, watched it speedin' by like a train"

★ "Will I be known and loved? Is there one that I trust?"

Rule #1 - Magic - Fish in a Birdcage:

★ "There is magic in this room, I don't know if you can see it. There is magic in this room, I don't know if you can feel it"

★ "It's called love. Some call it love."

★ "I believe in myself, I believe that we can make it. I believe in all of you, I believe that we can make this into love"

★ "I wanna speak to your soul"

★ "This is our conversation starter, for starters"

Icarus - Bastille:

★ "'Look who's digging their own grave' That is what they all say"

★ "Out on the front doorstep, drinking from a paper cup. You won't remember this"

★ "Living beyond your years"

★ "Acting out all their fears"

★ "Your hands protect the flames from the wild winds around you"

★ "Look out to the future but it tells you nothing"

★ "This is how it feels to take a fall"

★ "Icarus is flying towards an early grave"

★ "You put up your defenses when you leave"

★ "You're putting up your armor when you leave. And you leave because you're certain of who you want to be"

Intrusmentals:

★ Live or Die - GL/Nathan Hanover

★ Experience - Ludovico Einaudi OR Experience - Ludovico Einaudi, Daniel Hope, I Virtuosi Italiani

★ Thundersnow! - Katie O'Hara LaBrie

★ Scherzo - TwoSet Violin

★ Going Nowhere - Creative Self

★ A Forlorn Gaze into Yesterday - Nathan Hanover Synthonic Orchestra

★ Chopin - Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2 In E Flat Major - ???

[lincolndjarin]

Farewell, Best Kept Secret.

with chapters 26&27 taken care of it's time for me to finally prepare to say good bye to my first ever fic. bks has been incredibly important to me for the longest time now, i've been working for over half a year to put a story that i love into words.

i want to do something special to mark the end of this story so i've planned a full week of content (rather self indulgently) to do so. Also if you're interested, send me an ask for a wrap up Q&A I'm gonna be doing that week!! I'm hoping to save up a couple to put into one big post!! anyhow... here's my plan for the release of the final chapters of bks <3

I put a lot of this in my 2023 wrap up post but this post is just for bks week stuff. schedule under the cut.

DEC 1 : BKS 28 : a place for us

this will be the 'last' chapter of bks!!

DEC 2 : BKS Q&A

once again please send me any questions you might have about bks (preferably by december 1st) so can make sure to get to them!!

DEC 3 : Bound in Beskar - 500 follower celebration

should have gotten to this sooner btw that's my bad. this will be a little drabble of the scene that bks!reader reads in chapter 20!!

DEC 4 : BKS what ifs

(i had to come up with 8 days of content ik this is lame but i needed a filler LMAO) this will be just a little post of story lines i changed during my writing process.

DEC 5 : Best Kept Secret Art

i commissioned a few artists to illustrate some of my favorite scenes for this very purpose and i'm so excited to show you guys, they're absolutely phenomenal and every artist has been a delight to work with

DEC 6 : Secrets Best Kept - 1,000 follower celebration

a one off (this is what life and death is to twilight) vaguely inspired by bks but with a role reversal, Din Djarin is the new (reluctant) leader of Mandalore, surprise surprise, he doesn't get along well with his new advisor. I hope you guys are excited about brattamer!reader because I sure am.

DEC 7 : A love letter to Best Kept Secret.

gross & mushy. that's what this is going to be.

DEC 8 : BKS 29 : the best kept secret (epilogue)

the epilogue, and final main update for best kept secret

And that's all!! I'll see you all then!! until then expect an oh honey update and possibly a one off if i finish all my prep for this!!

[frenchkanna1808]

WHAT YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS SAYS ABOUT YOU: YTTD EDITION

PART 1) THE PARTICIPANTS

SARA CHIDOUIN:

You can’t stop praising her about how amazing of a protagonist she is compared to other protags in similar games such as danganronpa. You would and WILL fight anyone that says anything bad about your homegirl an you DEFINITELY need therapy

JOE TAZUNA:

You have the terrible habit of falling immediately in love with the best friend archetype that we met in the beginning who’s clearly gonna die. When they die you keep telling yourself you won’t be fooled again and then you do. Anyway you are in denial

KEIJI SHINOGI:

You keep justifying you love for him by using the “he’s a complex character, he’s deep and shit” but that’s just an excuse to not say “i want him to carnally fuck me and treat my little bitch with his huge arms and tits”. Whatever sexuality you were before, his deep look probably turned you gay. Anyhow you are horny as fuck and you definitely need therapy, you little whor-

REKO YABUSAME:

Either you are the the most gay motherfucker on the planet or you’re veeeeeeeeeeery straight.  you’re favorite ship is naoreko. NEVERTHELESS you want her to step on you. 

Q-TARO BURGERBERG: 

there is exactly two type of q-taro fans, The meme lord or the 20 page Reddit post defending his character from any criticism. We allllll know which ever type of fan you are, you cried like a baby in his final moments.

 KAZUMI MISHIMA:

You definitely made every possible outcome in ytts, an replayed it multiple times. You probably follow  “ mishima-in-places-he-shouldnt-be” and is still sad that this gentle loving dude had to die first why it is. always. the. cool. dudes. who. dies. first., WHY, WHY NANKIDAI ?

KANNA KIZUCHI: 

You are awesome, smart, and just the perfect person to be around, you’re aura smells pure awesomeness, no, NO i am not biased.at.all it’s not like  she’s my profile picture. 

In all seriousness, you probably crave any green bling content and also loves shin too but kanna passion and pure kindness made you make the choice to kill shin. It seemed to difficult to vote for a kid so you voted shin. You relate to kanna struggles And ADORES her character development in 3b. Also you definitely need many therapy session (not projecting at all) .

NAO EGOKORO: 

If being a joe fan is sadness, a greenbling fan depression, well being a nao fan is literal despair and anger with anguish. Bro what the fuck did she do to have such an horrible end like that, her entire experience in the death game was  a pure nightmare. Homegirl did nothing wrong, she shouldn’t literally even be here dude😭😭. You have only one consolation is that now she’s in heaven with her girlfriend, also obviously you ship naoreko

GIN IBUSHI:

You are right in fact you are 99.99 percent of the fandom. And i know that if one day you see anyone put gin below S tier or say anything relatively negative about him, you WILL find them, you WILL track them , and you’re gonna BOIL THEM ALIVE. And i will probably cheer you so go on, pop off, girlboss or mansplain bestie !  

KAI SATOU:

You are mesmerized by his beautiful aura and luscious long mane. Every time the characters talk about him you feel so much happiness that his sacrifice was in the end really worth it, but still you cry that the cutest malewife had to go first.

ALICE YABUSAME:

His atrocious hair made you burn your eyes, his cringe fail personality made you laugh but his death destroyed you entirely. In the end you fell for this transmasc king. If you played logic rote you probably died a second time lol.

S H I N  T S U K I M I:

Shin tsukimi, oh, Shin Tsukimi the character of all time. So from what i understand he’s your favorite character. Were you the weird kid in your class when you were in high school or that one queer kid that tried to hide your identity but everyone knew just by a single look? Just by looking at you i can see a lot of self loathing and unaddressed personal issues that you try hiding under a rug instead of actually addressing them. Do you take time to eat, to drink, don’t forget to take a break from negativity when you are at your lowest, okay ? Diagnosing you is pretty hard you probably have a thousand problems but at least, i hope, not as much as this little dumbass.                                           There is two type of shin fans:

-the one who want to punch him, shove him into a locker and bully him 

-the one who want to give him a warm hug, a nice soup and a good night of sleep.                                                                                                                    In both cases, you are exactly like him and projecting so hard onto him. Also you are supeeeeeer gay like extra gay. Like your aura smells GAY you know. No cis het allo kinnie of shins exist actually, it’s as possible as dividing 0 by 0.  

So conclusion go to therapy

KUGIE KIZUCHI:

Ao3 is your god, your lord and everything that you need to live. Every time ao3 get down you die inside. You crave any content of her and wish that we can know more in the future about her (i do too) and you probably feel in love with her trough fanfic.

MEGUMI SASAHARA:

You guys exists? Well you like evil boss woman, i guess.

This shit full of errors and mistakes also this is a joke don’t get offended, remember as a greenbling fan i am probably the least respected type of yttd fan, well above the keiji simps you guys are wild. 

[missnind]

And just give me one last look. Darling, the hold you took.

Eddie looked at Steve. He nodded at the nurse as she left and went and sat by the bed.

"Hey, Stevie. How you feeling?"

Steve opened his eyes slowly.

"Like death." He laughed but it came out more of a wheeze.

Eddie smiled softly at him.

"None of that talk here, sailor."

Steve laughed again.

"It's been years, Eds. You ever gonna let it go?"

"Let it go? That uniform is why I married you, Mr Munson."

"Worth the embarrassment then." Steve replied.

Eddie sat looking at his husband. His luscious hair was now a wispy white crown upon his head.

The moles that smattered his skin now had the company of liver spots.

Steve breathed slowly.

"Eddie, what day is it?"

"It's Friday, my love. The kids are coming over to see you today, remember?"

"Oh, yes. I remember. I hope it isn't too much though."

The tiredness in Steve's voice hit Eddie's heart like a gunshot.

He took Steve's frail hand in his own.

"It won't be, darling. I promise. They just wanted to pop on by whilst they were passing."

Steve smiled and closed his eyes.

"I'll just have a rest til then."

Eddie watched Steve sleep. The soft rise and fall of his chest and the rasp of his breathing. He blinked back tears.

"No time for that, Edward." He scolded himself.

He had no idea how long he spent watching Steve but a voice in the hall stirred him from his thoughts.

"Eds? Steve?" The voice called.

"Dad, are uncle Eddie and uncle Steve even here?" Another asked quietly.

"In the living room, Dusty." Eddie called back.

Steve stirred and began to open his eyes.

"Dustin? Is he here?"

"Hey, Steve." A familiar voice said. "I'm here. And Suzie. And Evelyn."

"Hey, uncle Steve." The young teen spoke. "Uncle Eddie." She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Evie, my special girl. Come here." Steve beckoned her to his side.

Evelyn sat carefully in the edge of the bed.

"How's school?" Steve asked.

"Good. Real good. Dad's been helping me with my physics. Auntie Nance is helping with English." She answered.

"Eds, they set up the next gen of Hellfire at her school." Dustin said excitedly.

Eddie laughed.

"About time! Only been playing it her whole life!"

Suzie looked at Eddie and nodded to the next room. Eddie nodded back.

"Stevie," he said, squeezing Steve's hand. "I'm just going to show Suzie the new flowers we planted."

He stood up and made his way to the door, looking back at Evelyn and Dustin laughing and joking with Steve.

"How's he doing, Eddie?" Suzie asked, face laced with concern.

Eddie took a deep breath to calm himself as his eyes started to tear up.

"Good and bad days, y'know? Nurse left about an hour ago. I'm still doing what I can for him but I'm no spring chicken now either." He answered quietly.

"Eddie, if you need anything... please just ask? You know Dusty and I think of you as family. We will help wherever we can."

"I know. I know you will. Listen, I have a letter for each of you. Information about... you know. Just... read them when the time comes, OK?

Suzie's eyes filled and she nodded as he reached out to pull her into a hug.

"Love you, Suzie Q."

"Love you, Eddie."

They shared the moment when Evelyn came into the room.

"Mom, dad says that uncle Steve should rest now. But they're having a talk so I got sent in here. Hey, uncle Eds, did mom tell you that the DM is leaving and they're looking at yours truely to replace them?"

Eddie smiled widely, dimples showing.

"Evie! That's great news! Your dad has a lot of my old campaign notes from my time as DM. You will be absolutely amazing. Evelyn Henderson, you keep being the amazing human you are, OK?"

Evie looked at Eddie and nodded thoughtfully.

"Can we see you again soon?" She asked.

Eddie clocked the look Suzie sent her daughter and stifled a chuckle.

"Hopefully."

They all went back into the living room and Eddie took his place right next to Steve's bed, hands together.

"Well," Dustin began. "We best be making a move. I think the Sinclair's are on their way and we don't want to overcrowd you."

He leant over Steve and kissed his Forehead.

"See you soon, Steve." Dustin's voice caught in his throat.

"Later, Henderson." Steve replied quietly.

As they left, Eddie lifted Steve's hand to his lips.

"You enjoy that, Stevie?"

Steve nodded slowly.

"It was nice. Evie is so like her father."

Eddie laughed in agreement.

"Without the ego though."

Steve laughed. It was a proper laugh, not the raspy ones of late.

"I missed that sound, big boy." Eddie replied.

"Me too." Steve smiled.

"Where are my two favourite idiots at?" A voice called.

Steve relaxed at the sound.

"In the living room, Max." Eddie responded.

A flash of firey red waves entered the room, followed by Lucas and Max.

"Uncle Eddie!" The child called, excitedly.

"June bug!" Eddie replied as the firey mane climbed into his lap.

"Be careful, June!" Lucas admonished as June climbed herself onto the bed.

"Uncle Steeb!" She exclaimed as she wrapped her small frame around his side.

"Hey, Junie." Steve replied as he lifted his arm slowly to hold her.

"I missed you so much!" She said as she pushed the red curls out of her face.

The red curls hid a face full of freckles. The kid had killer dimples and Eddie couldn't help but smile around her. Her energy was contagious.

"Junie, you stay here with uncle Steeb and tell him about the killer park we found on holiday, k?" Max said as she headed into the Kitchen with Lucas and Eddie.

"How long?" She asked, arms folded across her chest. To anyone else, this would seem aggressive. Eddie just saw the scared middleschooler he first met.

Eddie held his hands up in defeat.

"We don't know, Max."

"You should have told us sooner, man." Lucas said, eyes sad.

"I couldn't. Steve didnt-"

"Steve shouldn't get to choose on that. We could have had more time."

"I know. I'm sorry. But Stevie... he wanted you to live your lives. He wanted you to enjoy your time with June bug."

Lucas embraced Eddie and Eddie stifled a sob as the tears threatening to fall overtook him. Lucas held him as he let himself feel for a while. The enormity of the situation.

Max joined in and they huddled sobbing until they heard a little voice from the other room.

"Uncle Eddie! Mom! Uncle Steeb wants a drink!"

"Coming, June Bug!" Eddie call back, wiping his eyes and heading back in.

He poured some water into Steve's cup and helped him drink it.

"Uncle Steeb, I have a cup like that too!" June clapped her hands. "We are twins!"

"Don't let Auntie Robs hear that, Junie." Steve responded. "She might think you've replaced her."

June giggled with glee.

"Junie, we have some errands to run, shall we come see uncle Steeb and uncle Eddie another day?"

June's lower lip wobbled and she clung to Steve.

"I don't wanna go, mommy."

Eddie slid her into his lap gently.

He whispered loudly in her ear.

"June bug, you said you'd fetch the secret ingredients for the potion."

June's eyes grew wide.

"Dad, I need to go to the potion shop!"

Lucas smiled at his daughter and lifted her into his arms.

"Ok, kiddo. Let's go do that then. Say goodbye."

"Bye, uncle Steeb!" She blew a kiss and Steve caught it. "Bye, uncle Eddie!"

"Cya, Junie." Steve said as they left.

He looked at Eddie.

"Eds, I'm tired. Nap?"

"Course, baby." Eddie said as he plumped the pillow and helped Him lie down.

Steve drifted off into a slumber and Eddie messaged Nancy.

/Nance, Steve having a nap. Hold off an hour?/

A reply pinged through.

/Let my dingus get his rest. C U in 1hr. Also, we have Arg, Jon and Mike./

Eddie smiled.

/Cool. 1 hr./

Steve slept peacefully as Eddie watched him.

Memories coming unbidden to him of their many adventures.

The door sounded and he heard Mike call down the hall.

"Eddie?"

"In here." He called back, softly.

Mike entered the room, slowing as he saw Steve still sleeping.

"It's ok, man. He's just... it takes a lot outta him, you know?"

"I have a surprise for you both. He couldn't come with me coz of work but..."

Mike whipped out his tablet and Will's smiling face was on the screen.

"Hey, guys!" Will said from the screen.

"Will! Hold on, let me wake Steve."

He gently roused Steve.

"Stevie, honey, Will is on the line with Mike and wanted to talk to you." Eddie said. He helped Steve sit up.

"Will! How wonderful to see you!" Steve smiled widely.

"I'll just let you two have a catch up whilst I go have a chat with Eddie." Mike said, propping the tablet up on the table.

He left the room with Eddie.

"He looks so... old." Mike blurted out.

Eddie nodded. He was used to Mike's bluntness after all these years.

"We both are, Mike. Stevie just got ill and-"

An arm surprised him by embracing him.

"I'm sorry, man." Mike said quietly.

Eddie just nodded. "Me too."

The door went again and Jonathan, Argyle, Nancy and Robin bustled in.

"He's in there." Eddie gestured. "Talking to Will."

"We'll go see him briefly, man." Jon replied. "Don't wanna..."

Eddie nodded.

"No problem."

As the men went to see Steve, the girls came into the kitchen with arms outreached.

Eddie felt the damn break as he saw Robin's drawn face and Nancy's sad eyes.

The tears came thick and fast and the girls followed suit. They just held each other.

Mike went and joined the men and left Eddie with his best friends.

"Eds, we are so so sorry." Nancy said as she smoothed his hair.

"I can't-" Robin's voice cracked as she tried to explain her feelings. "I'm sorry."

They held onto each other once more.

Jon, Argyle and Mike left the room Steve was in as one.

"My man," Argyle began. His long black hair now a vivid white. "Steve is asking for you."

Jon looked quickly at Eddie and he recognised the tears in his eyes.

"We're gonna go now. I can't... won't..." Jon Fumbled over his words.

Eddie nodded and waved them off as he walked back to his husband.

"Hey, Stevie. Did you want me?" Eddie asked, gently.

"Eds," Steve slurred a little. "Missed you."

"Missed you too, my sunbeam. I was actually about to bring you a surprise!"

"Surprise?" Steve managed to say as the exhaustion settled in again.

"Yup. C'mon in, ladies."

"Dingus?" Robin asked as she slowly moved into the room.

"Robs!" Steve breathed loudly. "You came."

"Course I came, Steve. Where else would I rather be? And I came prepared with this!" She held aloft their fave DVD. "Room for a little one in there?"

"Always" Steve replied as Robin climbed up next to him on the bed.

"Hey, Steve." Nancy greeted him as she pulled a chair up by Eddie's. "Just like the good old days here."

"Without the weed," came Steve's bittersweet reply.

"Ah, bet they got you on some good drugs now though, Steve." Nancy smiled. Robin's hand edged towards hers, seeking reassurance as she snuggled up with Steve.

Eddie got up to pop the film on and they all started to watch it.

Robin and Steve used their Wondertwin powers to communicate - Nancy and Eddie always confused how they did it.

Eddie's mind drifted to their younger years and many a night spent just like this. It seemed only 5 minutes ago. Nancy glanced at him and gave him a reassuring look.

Towards the end of the film, Steve was out for the count and Robin alongside him.

Nancy was half asleep with her head on the bed and Eddie nudged her gently.

"Nance? Nance, take Robs up to the spare room. It'll be more comfortable. Me and Steve will be right here."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Gotta be near him for him meds and he doesn't like me going far lately." Eddie shrugged. "I can't sleep without him after all these years."

Nancy began to wake Robin to move her upstairs.

"I know just what you mean"

Eddie's heart swelled as he saw the love between the two women.

"Sweet dreams, Steve." Robin murmured as she kissed his cheek. "Night, Eds."

She let herself be guided out the room and up the stairs by Nancy.

Steve stirred and opened his eyes.

"Just us, Eds?" He asked quietly.

"Just us, Stevie." He replied.

"Will you come read to me?"

"What do you want me to read, baby?"

"The Hobbit. I love you, Eddie."

"You always did enjoy my Hobbit voices." Eddie chuckled. "I love you too, Stevie."

He grabbed the book and got Steve snuggled with his head on his chest.

"In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort..."

Eddie read on and lost track of time. All that mattered was his love was in his arms and they were together.

Eventually, he came to a stop as exhaustion began to take hold.

"Stevie, I just need to-" He paused and panic seized his heart. "Steve? Baby?"

The body next to him was unresponsive. He shook him. He checked his breath. It was going through the motions.

Steve was gone.

"Oh, baby, no." The tears flowed freely as Eddie held his husband tightly. "Please no. I needed more time. We needed more time."

Eddie sobbed and sobbed. He knew he should alert the girls but he was selfish. He wanted his boy all to himself.

"I hope you know how loved you were, Stevie. By all of us. Til the very end. You will always be mine and I yours."

He cried until he had no tears left to cry.

***

"Let's go see if they're up yet." Nancy suggested as her and Robin descended the stairs. She headed in the kitchen and heard a soul wrenching scream from her wife.

"Robin!" Nancy flew into the living room to where her wife was inconsolable. "Robin, calm. Shhh. Shhh, let me see."

Nancy looked at the bed.

There lay Eddie Munson, Steve wrapped in his arms. There were no movement from either of them. Nancy had seen her share of bodies in her journalism career.

She led Robin into the kitchen and sat her down.

"They're both gone. They can't be." Robin sobbed.

"I guess they couldn't live without each other, Robs." Nancy said, softly. "I need you to stay right here whilst I ring the paramedics, OK?"

"Nancy, they're d... they're de..."

"I know, honey. I know. Shhhh." Nancy held her as she rubbed her back.

She remembered the letter addressed to her on the side. With heartache, she opened it.

As expected, it contained all the arrangements and people to contact upon Steve's death.

"911, what's your emergency?" The operator began.

"We have two deceased elderly males here. One is under the care of the local hospice. The other is his husband. No known health conditions."

"An ambulance is on the way, ma'am."

Nancy took Robin with her outside to wait.

"Fly high, boys." She whispered to the sky with a gentle kiss.

[thegeminisage]

ok! it's time for a ds9 update. last night we squeezed in "move along home" and "the nagus."

move along home (ds9):

i am Informed this is a divisive episode but honestly i had fun w it!!

nice 2 see jake always. every time jake is on screen w his dad sisko my best friend sisko get to exude good dad energy. love that.

like. please. he's gonna give jake the talk? at 14??? 14 is too late. he knows everything. also lmao the fact that nog there ferengi where women don't wear clothes told him everything. i'm choosing to ignore my annoyance with ferengis as a whole and find that funny because of sisko's reaction

reasonably funny antics between quark and odo here. i am getting a little tired of odo not getting anything to do besides flirt with quark, but then i have to remind myself that odo had an episode all to himself quite literally six episodes ago, it's just our insane watch order + bad batch and natla coming out that makes it feel longer to me

quark like screaming on his knees begging not to have to put someone to death when nbody was gonna die anyway was actually really funny, but i do like the nuance in his kneejerk reaction when he found out the pieces were people, which was to forsake pride and ask odo to play for him. he could have gotten defensive for the bit, which he did do later, but his first reaction was to be scared which is like completely normal and went a long way towards humanizing him in an otherwise VERY silly episode

my favorite moment of this episode, besides the part where they hotboxed the shap, was when those little balls of light were coming towards them and sisko was like FIND COVER and julian bashir, instead of finding cover, stood directly aainst the wall they were aiming at, ass first. and then died. i want that twink obliterated.png

the nagus (ds9):

thank you to whomstever warned me about this episode

it was not good and it did suck bad. i think this was the first real dud ds9 gave us (i'm not counting the q one cuz that was basically a tng episode in disguise). i feel like it would be sooo easy to walk back some of the really awful elements of the ferengi but instead of doing that we have chosen to crank them up to 11. sexism, antisemitism, etc etc...

my other problem is that. and before anyone gets mad i have a touch of faceblindness. I CANNOT TELL THOSE FERENGI APART. they gave two of the ferengi the same nose and i was totally lost trying to follow the plot.

quark holding the idiot ball. he's dumb in his own way because everyone on that space station is using their last brain cell but he's also very shrewd. so it just felt off. and again odo had nothing to do except flirt with him but that's a me problem

BUGS FOR DINNER. i hated this episode in more ways than one

THAT SAID. we finally got to see o'brien again! and shockingly i really really really really liked the b plot

i did go blind with rage when nog got pulled out of school. yes. but the rest of it.

first of all it's really funny that jake is running around with nog all the time and their families are both going DON'T!!! and sisko is like Oh No My Son Has Discovered Girls when there is every evidence he is even now discovering boys

SECONDLY sisko reminding o'brien that one day his adorable little three year old will be 14 and the light leaving o'brien's eyes

but my favorite part is that jake wasn't being late to curfew because he's a bad kid or falling under a bad influence. he's a GOOD kid doing an AWESOME thing. idk, it was really sweet that like, even when sisko was like "yeah racism's bad but with ferengi it's different" jake was like "is it? :/" and then went right on teaching his buddy how to read. and now he's earned dad's permission to hang out with nog finally. it was a fun little subplot that i didn't realize was going anywhere and then it did. a very pleasant surprise and kept the episode from being a complete drag.

also, dax coming it and daintily sampling sisko's soup or whatever, then deftly getting rid of sisko so she could help herself to a giant heap lmao. queen

anyway, even though that's definitely been the worst ds9 ep so far, it wasn't NEARLY as bad as some of tng's duds. i'm thinking specifically of "code of honor," "violations," etc. like it could have been so much worse. i'm not going to delude myself into thinking we're past all the clunkers just yet, but i was still expecting a solid hour of agony and what i got was not that. not good by any means but not tng. whew!

TONIGHT: "starship mine" and "lessons" from tng. thots and prayers🙏

[on-these-scorched-pages]

Author Interview: Ashley Godschild [Vacancies in Time]

Authors note: I know this isn't something I would typically post, but due to my Professor being a literal joke, and the fact that I had the chance to interview a great local author AND the fact that people deserve the chance to read my interview with her, it's getting posted here.

Check out the Vacancies in Time trilogy here.

Follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

For the sake of some sort of timeline, the interview was conducted on February 20th, 2024 and the write-up was completed on March 20th, 2024.

Introductory Questions

Q: Tell me a bit about yourself and your background as an author (name, age, etc).

A: My name is Ashley Godschild, I turn 25 in a week (which I’m kind of looking forward to because with age comes grace). I started writing in grade 4, we had a writing assignment to write four pages, and I wrote 12. We had an author come to class and she explained to us that she wrote as a career, and I knew immediately that was what I wanted to do with my life. After that, I wrote for one hour every day until I finished my first book at age 12. I showed my mom, and she kindly pointed out there were no dialogue tags and so many, just so many run-on sentences. Looking back on it now I can see the perfectionism I had because after hearing that I deleted the whole thing. Cause it was easier to start from the beginning than to go through and edit it.

At 16 I did have an agent who had seen my manuscript and wanted to publish. But I still don’t know why I said no. I’m not sure if it was God saying “It’s not the right time” or if it was me if it was a gut feeling of discernment of “this person is not going to do it for you”. I also was not doing great mentally and I think the pressure I put on myself mixed with the pressure that would come from other people would have been bad. I think my biggest complaint was that they hadn’t had any problem with my manuscript, it was just “Wow this is so good, I’m so impressed someone as young as you could have something as good as this”. I’m not one for flattery, and I appreciate encouragement, and I’m not great with criticism, but having absolutely zero feedback, absolutely zero thought on something that could make it better, just sounds like you’re not someone who is going to look out for my best interest, you’re just gonna look out for money and for what you could make from me. I consider myself someone who prioritizes integrity, and there's the fact that everything can get better. There is no such thing as perfection. You can get close to it, you can kind of on it, but you can’t tell me that at 16 this book I had written was perfect and ready to publish – like no, absolutely not. I never want to have to compromise my own story and what I’m trying to tell people for the sake of sales for this big publisher.

Q: Who or what inspired you to become an author, and how did you start your journey?

A: I feel like it’s a lot of little different things, and I actually can't remember a time when I didn’t want to be an author. I know for a fact that the first person who ever said “Oh, so you’re an author” was my fourth-grade teacher. I’ve always been a storyteller. Even as a three-year-old, I used to go up to the cashiers at Superstore and tell them my real parents had died so I could get suckers. But I honestly can’t think of a time when I didn’t tell stories. It was a very natural progression, and having a lot of people help me along the way to say “This is how to better it, how to funnel it, this is how it should go”. My Oma was also a huge part of that because she used to come over and read with us, so books were always very important to her – she wasn’t born speaking English, and so language and the ability to learn and education to her was just such a huge deal to her. And she loved reading. Until her death, she was still reading and still looking for the next great story. I think she was the first one to print off one of my books and she brought my book around to all of my family members at a family reunion and told them to read it. She was very much a support and an inspiration for that. And I would say my mom, too. My eldest sister had tried writing, but it wasn’t her dream. My mom had tried writing – which I didn’t know – and my Oma tried writing, and it was like all these different things, I felt, were in accumulation to me. It was like it all built up to me trying to pursue it and do it right. Ms. Gordey was also a huge inspiration because, at 16-17, you’re trying to figure out “Okay, Lord. If this is what you truly called me to, what the heck am I supposed to do with this? Where am I supposed to go with this?” I was struggling with personal life, and mental health and all this other stuff and at the end of grade 12, Ms. Gordey had written all of us a letter. And in it, she had said “I’m not worried about telling you to always keep writing because you’re a writer. It's oxygen to your lungs. That is who you are. But I will say that you aren’t a teen author, you’re not a developing author, you’re not an aspiring novelist, you are an author, And I can't wait to see where you go from here and to follow your career from here.” And even just having that unshakeable belief in me was mind-boggling. It means so much from someone outside of your family to say “you’ve got this.” I still have that letter.

Book Related Questions

Q: Can you give a brief overview of Vacancies in Time and its central themes?

A: It’s based on a dream I had about my younger sister, it is… It’s hard to do anything with it and summarize it because I genuinely feel like there’s nothing like it. As I said, I try hard to be humble and say it how it is, but I’ve struggled marketing this because what do you even say? Who is the audience for this? It’s based on a dream, and that in and of itself is a challenge – it's something only you have seen, something only you have thought, and trying to turn it into something other people want to read, it’s hard.

I would honestly say it’s a story about an older sister's love and a journey into adulthood and figuring out what that means, and independence. Because, everyone has to get to the point where they, not leave their family, but spread their wings. I think Emma never wanted to be the burden, she never wanted to be the person that kind of stuck out or made her family's life harder. So she tried to be the responsible one, to be the person that her sibling needed. And then comes along this complete curve ball that she has never even thought about, and suddenly this person, this thing, is requiring her to choose between her family and herself. And that’s never been something Emma has had to think about.

Central Themes: Love conquers all, is huge throughout the entire trilogy. Fighting fate, which I find ironic because I don’t believe in fate, destiny or soulmates. I am very cut-and-dry with that sort of thing. And the irony does not leave me that I wrote a trilogy based on fate and time travel – which are two things I hate. I don’t like writing it, reading it, or watching it. But I think I did a pretty good job. Time and the value of it is another huge theme. And, again, just the irony of that alongside everything that happened throughout publishing, where it’s just all summed up in a quote from my second book: “Time is the commodity we cannot make more of”. And in the sense that, you can make more money and material things, but you can’t create more time. It’s a huge theme through it all to say, what will you do with the time you have? What are your priorities with it? Walk by faith, not by sight. That, again, was a huge thing with the publishing journey of this series. I almost threw up when I felt like God was telling me to drain my savings and publish this – and I went to my family and told them, and no one told me I was crazy. Everyone told me that now was the time to do it. There were a lot of ups and downs throughout the entire thing, and it's reflected from my personal life in the books. When you have a calling, or that gut feeling, or that thing, you just have to go and run with it. In my Oma’s words: you just gotta give’r!

Q: What was the timeline for writing and publishing Vacancies in Time?

A: I planned the entire trilogy in 3 hours, from start to finish. At first, I didn’t want to write it, but I was persuaded by the comments I got on my TikTok to go through with writing it. I wrote book 1 within a month (started in July and finished by the end of the month), and it was close to one month for each book. Finished 3rd book in 21 days. It took just over a year to decide to publish and go through with it. It was between August 2022 and June 2023 to publish all 3.

I’m not someone who regrets things; I refuse to regret the things I have done because I don’t think it's helpful. But, in the future, I know that I didn’t give it the time and the energy that it deserved. And I stand by the fact that it’s a good story, in fact, I would argue a great story. However, I don’t necessarily think the writing and the editing portrays that as well as it should. And, I know the first book is difficult to get into – basing a book on a dream, it’s hard to set up, and it takes a lot of time to get into. The first book is boring, let's be honest. It hasabout 27 filler chapters, with a few chapters with big action in them that make you want to keep reading. Books two and three are fast �� like every page, you are on it and you’re rushing through it. I would almost argue that book one is a different genre than the other two. Book one is more romance, and books two and three are more sci-fi.

Q: How did this idea come to you? Was there any pop culture that inspired it?

A: I’ve always had very vivid dreams about my younger sister. The dream was only the first book, from start to finish. Some of the things that are in the book didn’t necessarily happen in the dream, but everything that did happen in the dream went into the book. I remember picking up my sister, bringing her to the condo, her sleeping, the massive (iconic) windows, the neon lights, hearing the bang, looking at the museum, seeing the people inside the museum dead, making eye contact, and feeling the sudden heart-stopping dread and thinking “there's no way he can see me”, seeing and hearing the door of the condo opening and watching them come in. I don’t remember a lot within the timeframe of them being in the condo, just a lot of questions and weirdly invasive eye contact. And I very clearly remember the feeling of “I’m never going to see you again”, and the feeling of Darcy’s hand on my face. The weirdest part was the shift from myself to Bingley in the car, and seeing from like a third POV, and watching the conversation and witnessing the switch from “No, we’re leaving” to “this is something I’m going to fight for”, and then realizing that I wasn’t there when they got back. Right to the moment of eye contact, running to each other, reaching for one another and then nothing.

I always kinda say that I write books for myself, but I am happy that I gave in to the peer pressure to write it. My goal is always to get it out of my head, otherwise it takes up space. And the quote I always refer back to is by Maya Angelou, and it is “there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you”.

Pop culture Influences: Pride and Prejudice had an inspiration on it, but I wouldn’t say that it’s a retelling of it. I do remember having those conversations about classical literature in my dream, and I really do love Pride and Prejudice, and I thought “If I’m going to write this book, then I might as well include some of the things I love”. I also would say, based on the time period, the TV series Loki and the TVA probably had some kind of bearing on the dream. Just knowing that I had watched it within 3 months before having the dream, it's very likely it was a subconscious inspiration.

Q: What were some of the challenges you faced while developing your characters?

A: This goes back to when I was saying that I wish I took more time. It's not that I don’t think the characters are well-rounded – I do think they are, and they’re very dimensional characters. But how am I, as a white woman who is 25 living in a northern, western country, supposed to properly represent all these different people, who have had these awful things happen to them? Like having someone who is black and was a slave, someone who is Chinese, someone who is Jewish. Writing these people who have these awful pieces of history they are representing and not being able to grasp that fully because I can’t. It doesn’t matter how much I try to put myself in their shoes, I can’t accurately and entirely represent their stories. Arguably, you can say that no one can because those things are so far removed, though we continue to see them crop up, and we see the effects of them. You don’t have people who have experienced it firsthand, anymore. But I do wish I had taken the time and will take the time in the future to look through and make sure that I am doing my best to tell stories that aren’t mine, that are humanity’s stories. So that was a big challenge – trying to make sure I didn’t whitewash my characters, and to make sure I respect the history that has been told as well as respecting the history that possibly hasn’t been told or represented.

Q: Family appears to be a key theme in the novel – how did or did not your family inspire some of Emma’s family in the book?

A: Avery was inspired/based on my 12-year-old sister, who is now 15 and it's very weird for me to think about that. She got to pick what Avery looked like, she insisted on the ferret, and she chose everything about Avery. So writing her and drawing inspiration from other events in life and trying to not give too much away but also at the same time share. Avery's journey with leukemia is not based on truth – I did have a sibling who almost died, and it definitely shook the family, there was a lot of fear and anxiety that comes with that, and there’s always the thought of trying to lower the amount of pressure on your family because this thing has happened. I wouldn’t say Mo is based on anyone – she is an archetype of a person, and I really just feel like I should put that on the record. I remember my Oma asking me if she was meant to be someone, and I was like “Nope, not at all.” It's funny because I wouldn’t say anyone else is heavily based on someone from my family, but all of them are an inspiration to it. Because no matter what you do, what you read, who you see, who you talk to, you're constantly drawing in that information. There were a couple of times reading back where I read something that I didn’t even remember putting into the book and it felt a little too revealing on my psyche and I decided to cut it out.

Q: How did your family react to A) the book being written and published, and B) to finding themselves written into the book (if they were)?

A: My family was very supportive, obviously they had been waiting for years for me to publish because I’d been doing it for ten years by this point. I had started a gofundme to cover bills and whatnot while I was in the process of publishing and they really showed up with that. Even that December they had given me a new laptop because mine had broken, and I had no idea about it and I was so heartbroken because that was the first Christmas I didn’t have gifts for anyone because I couldn’t afford it. They really showed up, time and time again. My mom and my roommate found out that I had published it a day early just to make sure everything was working, and they raced to see who could buy it first and then who would get it first. My roommate ended up reading it first, and that was super special to have people competing to read my work. My mom sent me a photo of a picture of my dad lying on our giant bean bag chair with his headphones on, reading on his Kindle. It was very sweet to see the way they showed up. There's so much doubt that happens when you’re writing and publishing, and having my Oma pass a month before the release date, it was super hard.

As for my sister, I don’t think she ever told me what she thought about Avery and if she liked the representation. I had gotten to surprise her because it’s partially dedicated to her, and I surprised her with that and she had no idea so she just started crying. She’s such a cute kid, she said she didn’t want anything else for Christmas except my book. So I got to surprise her with that and give her a signed copy. I’m very fortunate.

Q: What do you hope readers will take away from reading Vacancies in Time?

A: In context to the first book, I relate it to a verse in the bible that says to be open to inviting people into your home, because you will never know if you're feeding angels. It’s the idea of loving your neighbour the way they should be loved and never closing yourself off from showing the love of God, providing for your neighbour and inviting them to your table. I think that is something that Emma did very well, which is something I don’t always do super well. For Emma to just stop and relax in her faith and the certainty that she had that God would sort this out. She just let it happen and allowed the agents to make themselves at home in her apartment. It was very important to me that Agent Darcy never tried to placate her, never tried to comfort her or make up for her lack of social graces while he was talking about his history.

I think the biggest thing I want to be taken away from that is just to have compassion for people, to have a willingness to hear and be open to others' stories, and to be aware of how it impacts you. I think in terms of history and how people can argue so much about different historical events and what it means, I truly believe that history lies within the person telling it. That’s often the victors who want you to believe that they should be the victor, and to understand that sometimes not everything is what you see.

Always have an open mind and see people for more than what they appear to be. And also be willing to take a chance; I think that is a lot of what Emma was scared to do and Carter came in and told her “No, you have to take the chance”. I was fortunate enough to have people like that on this journey, and without them, I never would have taken this chance.

Q: Who is/was your favourite character to write, and why?

A: Carter. I really appreciate who he is, and I know that’s ironic because I wrote him. But I would say in so many ways he is everything I’m not. To just be so unapologetically himself – in the best and worst ways. He is a little off, thinking the moon landing was faked is… interesting. And I think people who are conspiracy theorists and question things get a bad rap. I have people in my life who think like that, and so it was interesting to explore that character and question “Who is he, what is he and why is he this way?” And I don’t think there's anything wrong with questioning, now I do sometimes think they can get a bit too intense over it, but to have a character who stood by his guns and is always willing to question everything and to seek the truth and not willing to take everything at face value. And on top of that all, he is an amazing friend to Emma. It shows more in the second and third books how smart and driven he is, even though he appears to be a dishevelled mess, he is who he is. And he's pretty great. And he’s got a special place in my heart because he’s such an amazing, supportive friend.

Q: Are there any particular scenes/moments that hold personal significance to you?

A: Chapter 19 You Make Me Feel So Young. It's this moment where Emma is really rushing to get things done. She’s watching everyone have a good time and dancing around her. But she’s also scared to join them; she needs to be responsible and it reminded me of a bible story. It’s the story of Mary and Martha – Martha is trying to be a good hostess while Jesus is speaking to his followers, and her sister Mary is just lying there just listening to Jesus. And the lesson from that is, you are always going to have the next job to do, and more people to take care of but you’re not always going to have this moment. I think even what Darcy was talking about when he said “I finally understand what it means to be young” and this idea of there is no responsibility, there's no deadline, and you just exist in your own world. And that’s not necessarily the best thing, but I think in a culture that emphasizes the hustle and the grind. And even myself, I place so many deadlines and expectations on myself and there's this constant need to do a full day of work and then come home and do more author stuff, because if I don’t do it now, then it’s not going to happen. To have those moments where you stop and just live in the moment without any of the distractions, it’s priceless.

So that chapter has a big significance to me. It’s not just because I love Frank Sinatra and I love that song - but because did Darcy recognized that Emma wanted to join them but wasn’t willing to. And also the fact that Darcy was willing to be vulnerable and share that part of himself and say “To me, youth has always been foolish. But with you, I feel young and I can be foolish with you.” And I think every girl has that dream of dancing around their apartment with someone, and I think having that moment and having that intimacy shown was nice. And just shows that you will find that person and that there is timeless love, and you can take a moment to breathe and absorb the moment and be with the people you love. I think it’s important to make space for those moments, otherwise life will pass you by.   

Q: Discuss the significance of the title of Vacancies in Time and how it shaped the book.

A: I had gotten the book planned, and I sat there trying to figure out what to call it. Based on the dream and the contents of the first book, you can't really use the metric for a science fiction title. You don’t want to give too much away, but you also want to hint at what’s in it. I knew I wanted something to do with time, and it just hit me – Vacancies in Time. And it works, and it makes sense because there are vacancies in time.

Q: Book covers play an integral role in attracting readers – how involved were you in the design process, did you have any specific concepts or themes you wanted to convey on the cover of Vacancies in Time? (Read in acknowledgements you made it on your own, on Canva)

A: In three hours, the day before the release. Once again, I don’t suggest the way I’ve done this, it was so not a good idea. I didn’t do the art myself, necessarily. Canva has a lot of artists that it pulls from, and they have to put on it if it is AI-generated. I feel very strongly about AI-generated things, especially art. But I found an artist who had a lot of Sci-fi kind of things – and the cover is nothing like the idea that I had, and still have. I would love to, in the future, republish and include a pronunciation guide, the cover I wanted at the very beginning, and all these different things.

Q: What was your concept for the cover?

A: On the front of the book is Emma looking out, from the POV of her bed, almost, looking out onto the street with the neon lights and everything. On the back cover, you see the outside of her building with her looking onto the street, and at the bottom corner, you see a head (who would be Darcy) looking up at her. In like an animation style.

I had someone lined up to do this kind of cover that I wanted but the timeline just didn’t work, and unfortunately, when I had talked to them it was the day my Oma died. So obviously things were derailed. I didn’t touch anything for two or three weeks, and I just didn’t have the time to make that cover happen. I’m happy with the cover now, I don’t love it necessarily, but I love it for what it is. The big thing for me was that, it is a science fiction novel, and I wanted it to convey that. The neon was important, but every single one of my books has an element that hints at something that happens in the book.

I’m not sure if you noticed, but on the back cover the rain is going upside down. And that kind of thing continues throughout all of the books.

Writing Process Questions

Q: What does your writing process look like? Do you follow a routine or have any rituals for when you’re writing?

A: Getting a full-time job has ruined the process that I had. But what has remained the same is that I open my laptop, and bring up my characterization sheets, my cheat sheet. And I bring up the manuscript – I just use Word. I know other people use Scrivener and other things, but I’m not fancy. I was 10 or 12 when I started, and I don’t like new things, so Word is where it’s at. When I was 20 I started doing novel outlines – so by the time I actually started writing it I already had every single chapter planned. I have, from start to finish, everything that is supposed to happen, chapter by chapter. I taught myself to be a plotter because I found it so much easier. And I would say, by doing this, I don’t struggle with writer's block anymore. There is occasionally the moment where I realize what I am writing just doesn’t fit anymore, but other than that I am never out of inspiration because it’s all written down.

I send myself notes on Messenger all the time, so I often check that before I start writing and add it to my sheets. With work, however, I have been trying to use what’s called the “Momentum Method” – the idea is you go to work, come home and immediately start writing or editing, and use that inspiration and motivation to get going. It doesn’t always work for me, because sometimes I find that I need like half an hour to decompress after work and get my brain settled before writing. I also have a walking pad, and I try to walk while I’m writing and editing – I haven’t been super great with that lately, just because I’ve been putting a lot of effort into the newsletter and getting it finished.

Q: Can you share a memorable moment from your writing journey that had a significant impact on your development as an author?

A: I can’t pinpoint one specific moment, because this journey has been a lot of highs and lows, and even in the lows I have found something to keep me going. I would say for publishing specifically, I had come across this interview with Leigh Bardugo, and she said “Your job is to make art when no one cares, that’s the battle”. Because as soon as you get the recognition, and you get the readers, everyone wants to praise you. It’s when you’re in the trenches with no readers or money, that’s when it matters most. Continuing to go forward is a skill you have to learn. I’ve always had that thought in my head, and it meant a lot to me to see a very well-known author, at one point, felt the same way and had the same doubts as myself. It was enough to push me forward and to publish the third book.

Q: Are there any specific authors or literary figures who have influenced your writing style? If so, in what ways?

A: The answer always goes back to every little thing is an inspiration. I would say Jane Austen is definitely someone who I aspired to be like. I think she always had a very personal way of telling stories, I feel like you always saw her in her novels. And, it is my hope (because I am planning on writing so many books) that I’m never predictable, but I do hope there is always a moment in every book I write where the reader goes, “Oh, this is Ashley”. I think Jane Austen does that very well.

I also really love C.S. Lewis – he is a huge inspiration of mine, in just the way he wrote books, how he wrote them, and who he wrote them for. I also like J.R.R. Tolkien for how descriptive he is, even though he spent three pages just talking about a blade of grass – I think that’s excessive, but I appreciate the way he could just paint the world for you. Leigh Bardugo, also, I just love the way she makes her characters. She does “found family” really well, and it's interesting because I would say so many of her characters aren’t really likable. Which sounds crazy, but it's like almost every single one of her characters has these massive flaws that are staring you in the face, so you almost have to question why you like them so much. But at the same time, that’s what makes you human – it’s your flaws. You can’t love someone without loving their flaws.

Q: What role does research play in your writing process, especially when tackling subjects that may require in-depth knowledge or understanding?

A: I try and do research, but there is a bit of previous knowledge because I took Wester-European AP, and history has always been very interesting to me. I remember in grade five learning about Greece and Athens, and the birth of democracy, and that has always had a place in my heart – history in general has always had a place in my heart. Mostly because it’s our story; they call it his-tory, but when you’re looking at history, you’re looking at the story of the world, of humans, and you can see where we’ve been and if you look hard enough you can see, in my opinion, where we’re going. I would say I gained a lot of knowledge from my education and my love of history, but then there was also a lot of research.

One of my biggest things while developing characters was figuring out what dictators am I going to use, who was going to be connected to each of these people, and what is it going to eventually lead to. Now, admittedly, and I won’t give too much detail, but one of the dictators I chose is just because I like them and learning about them. Obviously, they’re a dictator so they’re not the best but I think if any dictator was “good”, it would be this person. There was a lot of research, and there were times when I had to stop writing to look something up.

Q: How do you handle writer’s block or challenges in the creative process, and what strategies do you find most effective in overcoming them?

A: More often than not, in my experience, writer's block happens because there’s something wrong in the story. Whether that means you’re trying to force something, or because this idea you had no longer works and you’re not sure how to fix it, or if there’s something you left behind that needs to be brought in. Most of the time when I would get writer's block I would just go back and read it and find what was wrong. There have been times when I’ve deleted entire chapters and started over because something from however long ago caused things to not work. And even with using a novel outline, there have been times when I realized I’ve shot myself in the foot and I need to do it over again. I can admit that sometimes you have off days, but I’ve learned that you sometimes just need to force yourself to write – discipline doesn’t grow out of nothing, it's something you have to practice. But I also believe in taking a break, and that having a bad day can affect your writing. So going back and reading what you wrote on that bad day is definitely worthwhile because your mood does impact your writing and you might be putting something in that you don’t necessarily mean to put in.

While I do believe that your book is you and you should be able to do whatever you want with it, at the same time you’re not honoring the story if you’re basing your characters off people you know and killing them off because that person hurt you. You’re not honouring the story, or yourself, or the reader. That person may have existed to you through this character, but to everyone else, they exist in the book, separate from you and your life. Once you have people reading your novels, you have to acknowledge their interpretation might not be the right interpretation. Don’t get me wrong, you can think whatever you want about something that’s been written, but that doesn’t mean your interpretation is right.

Personal/Fun Questions

Q: Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice seems to be an influence on Vacancies in Time, can you elaborate on any inspiration drawn from it?

A: I think for every romance, people need to have something in common. And how do you find something in common between a black slave from the eighteen hundreds and a mostly white woman from the 2050’s? I was trying to find a common thread, and I think in the argument of “timeless love” and the idea of history being a form of storytelling, and having a thread that connects all of us – I don’t believe in soulmates – but I do believe that sometimes people are cut from the same cloth. It wasn’t a process of “how do I bring these two together” – I knew it had to be a connection and a shared experience, and I thought about what brought Darcy and everyone else together and it was this idea of wanting adventure and having this craving for the unusual. I think every reader has that craving; you might not be the bravest person but you do want a taste of a new experience – and that is what brought both Emma and Darcy to reading.

Pride and Prejudice is my favourite book, and I think because stories were what always connected me to people, I wanted to play with that idea in the book and play with the idea of “What is going to bring you all together and keep you together?”, and that’s how it turned out in the book.

Q: Religion is openly present in Vacancies in Time, how has your faith or religious background influenced the theme and messages you explored in the novel?

A: It influenced my writing in so many ways because God is so integral to who I am. I know for a fact I would not be alive if it wasn’t for him, and I never would have written and published if it wasn’t for him. Sometimes I struggle with saying the right thing and being understood by people because I often am not presenting myself well, or people will misconstrue what I am saying – which makes me relate to Darcy, in a way. But my writing is where I get to shine. And I believe that I can use my writing to accurately give people an idea of who I am, but also who God is and what he has done for me.

Q: If you could travel through space and time and meet anyone (fictional or real) where would you go and who would you meet?

A: I would probably go to the UK and meet C.S. Lewis – and I would probably try to convince him to come back to our time so he wouldn’t have to deal with the bombs and the war. On a more personal note, I would probably meet my Opa Morris – my Oma was married to Opa Morris before my current Opa, and I hear so much about him and I live his legacy every day. I just think to see where it all comes from would be very special. On the other hand, I might choose one of my ancestors from the other side of my family. I was raised with the belief that half of my family was indigenous, and there have been questions raised in recent years about whether or not that is true, so I would probably want to meet an ancestor from the other side of our family to figure out if it's true. It was something I used to be so proud of, and now there’s so much that has happened surrounding my ancestry – so I would like to get some answers about that.  

Q: What’s some advice you can give to emerging authors?

A: You need to genuinely understand that it’s not going to be easy, and it’s going to suck at times. Big time. There’s going to be times where you’re going to question yourself, you’re going to have other people question you. You’re going to have moments of shame and moments of excitement, and it’s a bit of a rollercoaster of questioning.

The other thing is that you should know what your reason is. I've said since I was 16 that I am writing because if my books change even just one person's life, that would be enough. If one person feels seen, if they identify with a character, if they get help because of something I write that would be enough for me. Reading was always an escape for me, so if I can create a safe space where someone can escape from the turmoil that is life – that’s enough for me. Just figure out what your reason is for writing, and stick by it – despite having bad reviews, or no reviews or when you’re having those moments of self-questioning.

Q: What’s next for you?

A:  I have two possible books that I can publish next – both are the start of a trilogy. I’m leaving it up to people to vote on through Google Forms because I genuinely don’t know which one to do next. One is a Werewolf-Hunter paranormal romance, kind of like Shadowhunters meets Vampire Academy, meets Twilight. The other one is about a group of young adults who create this group called “The Outcasts”, loosely based on Robin Hood, and they steal from the rich and they learn that this treasure they’ve read about is real and it’s hidden in this castle – and the leader decides they're going to get it, but for her, it’s not just business, it’s personal. I’m not sure which one I want to publish more, and part of me wants to publish both at the same time, but I know that’s crazy. So one of those two will pop up within the next… who knows.

I’m editing another book right now, and reverse outlining another book and rewriting that. My goal for this year was to shift my focus to becoming a better author – so I’ve gotten books about being an author, I didn’t know that books were supposed to have a three-act structure. I didn’t know about story framing or the eight-beat story. So I’ve been learning a lot about that, and learning about how to better my craft and refine it. I learned about the Writers Helping Writers series. So I’m trying to slow down and learn more and to build on the basics and get better as a writer.

[dappersautismcreature]

honestly im in a bit of a moral dilemma, cause, not to seem 'holier than thou' but i am not used to really loving villainous characters. q!bad is so so special to me and I know he can be a kind and good being, but he is also making morally reprehensible choices, but he is also possibly brain damaged, and he is grieving.

thisll be a ramble but here's some perspective on grief.

i know what grieving does to people, ive watched 14 odd young people grieve a sudden death in real time and truth is grief is messy as shit. "people handle grief in different ways" << true, all those ways are a mix of bad and good. i know people who ignored what happened and that led to others resenting them for "moving on too quick", i know people who weren't sober for a single day afterwards, i know people who went back to old shitty friends and exes, who turned to sex, who distanced themselves, who milked the death, who isolated themselves. I myself experienced psychosis and leaned on weed to get through my process. grief is one of the worst pains the average person will go through, and when its a large group grieving together? shits gonna go down.

we are reaching a point in the qsmp where most characters will have gray areas, some more dark than the others of course but I will be keeping in mind as we go forward that my favs will possibly not always be in the right. but lets give some characters some slack, and i am saying that about q!forever and q!tubbo as much as q!bad. as much as i argue for people to consider how rough q!bad has it, I am not saying he has it worse than others, it is only said in order to balance out people who think others have had it worse. i am biased, you are biased, thats part of my point.

fandoms will always argue over this kinda thing, and thats ok, to an extent. just dont let it make you mean, dont let it make you downplay bad actions, and dont let it make you be racist.

i feel like im constantly re-explaining this point but, recognize complexity, recognize that you will need to wait for things to finish, recognize humanity.

love yall, i love seeing other people's opinions, i am dedicated to not letting myself fall to personal bias

[artzychic27]

Love the evil boyfriends content. Gives me twisted Gomez and Morticia vibes.

How about Nathmarc in a Descendants AU or Ever After High AU?

Royals:

Marinette: Mulan

Adrien: Aurora (Canon confirmed it)

Alya: Tiana

Nino: Genie (He would break the 4th wall)

Kim: Raya (She’s South Asian)

Max: Moana (… He’s gonna be half Polynesian, just go with it)

Juleka: Snow White

Rose: Prince Charming

Chloé: Cinderella

Sabrina: Merida

Ivan: Belle

Myléne: Rapunzel

Alix: Alice

Lila: Pinocchio

Rebels:

Nathaniel: Queen of Hearts

Marc: Evil Queen

Aurore: Yzma

Cosette: Cruella De Vil

Reshma: Maleficent

Ismael: Gaston (You can imagine how thrilled Gaston was when Ismael said he was his son)

Simon: Madame Medusa

Denise: Dr. Facilier

Lacey: Mother Gothel

Mireille: Hades

Jean: Ursula

Zoé: Anastasia Tremaine

Austin T: Jasmine

Austin A: Captain Hook

Austin B: Robin Hood

Austin Q: Peter Pan

So, Nathaniel’s in the same class as the Royals for some reason

Caline, one of the 12 good fairies from the original sleeping beauty story is adamant on all children following their destinies, no matter how awful or disturbing

She constantly pressures the other rebels into accepting their fates, not caring that Reshma gets stabbed, Marc gets trapped in a mirror, Aurore lives out the rest of her days as an animal, Cosette gets put in an asylum, Ismael falls to his death, Simon gets mauled by his crocodiles, Denise spends the rest of their life as a shadow, Lacey dies of old age in a really bad way, Jean gets skewered, Zoé has her eyes pecked out, Mireille gets dragged into River Styx, and Nathaniel’s subjects eventually rise up and decapitate him

“All is necessary for the royals to have their happily ever after.”

And the Royals are completely oblivious to the truth because she’s been sugarcoating a bunch of shit and try to push the Rebels to accept fate

That, or they know what happens to the Rebels *cough* Marinette *cough*, they just don’t care and want them to conform to that whole destiny BS

Alix, Nino, and Adrien are teetering to the Rebels side because Alix is tired of being labeled a flighty drunk because of her mom, Nino doesn’t want to be trapped in the lamp, and we know what went down in Sleeping Beauty. (And it CAN happen to men, so shut up!)

Marinette is constantly trying to get Nathaniel riled up so he’ll act like his mother, but he remains refined and poised every time

Someone even goes so far as to spray mercury on him so he’ll become deranged. Fortunately, Marc and Aurore had antidotes on hand

Nathaniel is sort of the unspoken leader of the Rebels since he was the first student in years to not sign the Storybook of Legends on Legacy Day while Marinette is the leader of the Royals since she’s all about following Destiny

Most of the Royals are just a little misguided and don’t want anything bad to happen to the Rebels, but they’ve been fed the Disneyfied renditions

… Also, the Storybook of Legeneds is a fake, the Queen of Hearts hid it back when she was a student, a Royal straying to the Rebels side hides it when they find it, and it ends up in Wonderland… Back to the story!

DuPont is a dormitory school, two to a room, and since Marinette’s mom is on the school board, Damocles gives her a say in who’s assigned to which dorm because he’s still a coward. Of course, she has villains and heroes in the same story assigned together

The Villain Rebel students are encouraged to cheat in classes, use any powers they have on the students, and poison some of the Royals… No one sees how wrong that last thing is? Okay.

Marc’s dorm room only has one mirror, surprisingly. Nathaniel constantly tells him he’s the Fairest, so he has no need for more

He and Juleka are good friends and neither one wants Marc to be trapped in the mirror at the price of Juleka getting her Destiny

Adrien and Luka Piper (half sister of Juleka) are secretly dating

Denise can hear the narrators on the Other Side… No, not that Other Side, the other Other Side. You know, the one with the voices and the people with no faces.

Lila is constantly causing discord among the Royals and Rebels. And thanks to a spell she found, she can lie without her nose growing longer

[dreamsclock]

🏗

This is from the FYI au that me and salt made - we never ended up posting anything about it but i LOVE IT SO MUCH I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. basic premise is a canon divergent rewrite of the dsmp where c!dream and c!quackity partnered up at the elections and actually won........ and how much shit happened from there

warnings: blood, major character death (temporary), murder, betrayal, general dark themes

Quackity had been the one to remove the box Dream had died in.

Clearing up at the festival is nasty work after everything that had gone down, but someone has to do it, and it’s not so bad with Karl and Tubbo helping him out. It’s easier to ignore Dream’s blood still speckling the floor of the stage as he wipes it down while Karl talks animatedly about a new idea for a short story he’d gotten, easier to ignore Dream’s death message searing itself behind his eyes when Tubbo is clumsy and catches his attention before he drifts into his own head. Having people nearby help, and Quackity is infinitely grateful for them.

...But he insists on cleaning and dismantling the box onstage by himself. It’s grim - Quackity gets choked up more than once when he remembers Dream collapsing to his knees, has to take a moment to drag himself out of his dark thoughts when he remembers it had taken two arrows to kill Dream, when he remembers the hollow, agonising rasps Dream’s breathing had been when the first had pierced his lungs. The memory makes the pickaxe slip from his hands, numb, and Quackity watches it clatter to the floor, struggling for breath. The gleam of satisfaction in Schlatt’s eyes afterwards had told him the truth - no matter how much the man insisted he’d had nothing to do with Dream’s death, Quackity knows better, had known better from the moment he’d asked the question first. Schlatt, Wilbur, Tommy - Quackity tears down the box that had killed his friends and viciously curses all of them, chest tight, eyes overly-bright. He’s not gonna cry, even though all he’s wanted to do for days is cry, because he’s Alex Fucking Quackity and never cries, but he comes close, taking down the festival box.

(So much for a celebration, he thinks, and tries to dismiss the memory of Dream dying from his head.)

…

It’s fitting he’s the one putting up the box now.

It’s methodical this time: he’s a big boy now, Quackity tells himself sarcastically, as he slots the blocks together and asks Tubbo about the redstone side of it - he’s a big fuckin' boy, he’s not gonna cry, he’s not gonna get weepy over death. Fuck knows it’s the only option he has: well, maybe not the only option, but Dream is a tyrant; worse than that, he’d been Quackity’s friend, and he’s learned by now that people like Dream (Schlatt, he thinks, Wilbur) only turn against their friends in the end. Hadn’t he seen it from Dream with how he treated Sapnap? Hadn’t he been wanting this for days, weeks, months? Didn’t Dream deserve this?

(He thinks of the first box Dream hadn’t been able to get out of, thinks of the two arrows it had taken to end his life. Will it take more than that, this time? Dream feels untouchable - has always felt untouchable, except for the moment Quackity had watched him die. He wants to see that vulnerability again. He thinks he needs to.)

“Big Q?” Tubbo is pulling his attention away from the box, twisting his hands together behind his back. Schlatt had taught him that posture - stiff-backed, shoulders straight, jaw set like he’s preparing for war, and maybe they are, “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Yeah.” No. With an effort, Quackity reaches out and claps him on the back. Tubbo doesn’t recoil, but something flickers through his eyes, and Quackity knows his hand had felt like Schlatt’s. “Yeah, Tubbo, I’m sure. You know, sometimes you have to do awful things to the people that deserve it.”

(“He hadn’t deserved it,” Tommy had blurted out on the first day Quackity had joined the Pogtopia Alliance, eyes sunken and face ashamed, “nobody deserves death, Big Q. Not even Dream. I don’t think I’ll ever forget how it felt to shoot at him and watch him die. He didn’t deserve it. Don’t let Schlatt or Wilbur or shit tell you otherwise.”)

“Yeah?” Tubbo asks, voice quiet, unreadable.

Quackity smiles, with immense effort. “Yeah. I mean, fucking look what he’s done to us! Fucking look what him and Technoblade did to us! Never again. We killed Techno, and now we’re going to kill Dream. Because-”

Because he deserves it. When they finish the trap they’ve set up, the excuse rings hollow in Quackity’s ears, staring at the box that looks eerily like the first festival’s. Because he deserves it. How many times had Wilbur told the Pogtopia Alliance that same excuse until they’d believed it, until he’d believed it? 

So much for a celebration, he thinks. He’s hollow. Tubbo’s nervous rambling about the redstone mechanic behind the trap doesn’t compute with him. Instead, Quackity pictures Dream inside the box - pictures the tyrant, his old friend, his enemy, inside the box - and tries to commit the image of Dream at his mercy to memory.

[ekwolfwood]

Happy New Year I wanted to be back and I actually had a post about the bad things AND the good things complete with photos but it fucking uuhhhhhhhhh broke? So. Yeah. I'll try again but nooo, no photos for me i guess.

but anyways HELLO WORLD, MY QUEUE IS ACTUALLY ALMOST DEAD I HAVE BEEN ACCIDENTALLY AVOIDING THIS PLACE FOR REASONS UNKNOWN EVEN TO ME.

but yeeeeah about that 2023. its been a ~real bad year~ huh, or was it just me? Thought I'd throw up a little end ofthe year wrap up, but have been putting it off because a lot of it sucked.

Between multiple deaths in the family, covid still doing its plaguebearing thing, so much fucking stress, worsening symptoms and endless doctor visits and even worse fatigue thats left me in bed most of each week, im... it seems like i got nothing done.

But it wasnt all bad! I'm trying to think on all the things i did this year (and a LOT of things i acquired this year i did... a lot of retail therapy for the first time in my life really???)

-I cant believe i got to see a Rick Riordan Q&A live, like, it seems like AGES ago but was only this year???? It was a genuine bucket list item for me

-i started drawing again??? And im kinda improving???? Id like to share some of it one day somewhere?? Scary.

-got to dip my toes back into cons again! Only the safe/outdoor ones, but it was nice seeing folks again, despite some drawbacks (like AN being 40°C and witnessing a real stupid truck crash, and Yeti being nothing but stress overall and causing some ~brand new (old) symptoms~)

-I started my new life of cosplaying my own OC's over other things. Being Virtue (my dnd pastel barbiecore nightmare child) was absolutely freeing, i cant wait to make him 7 million new outfits

-especially because i got to do a freaking location shoot at a super cool, very out of the way waterfall, with a reflecting pool. i cant wait to bring so many things there

-also did a waterfall tour of Owen Sound. soooooo many dnd/dragon age/etc shoot ideas

-im also saving up for a few dream dragon age costumes, and its gonna be like uhhhhh.... $500ish worth of scalemail? (for two seperate projects)

-speaking of dragon age, i got alex into inquisition and i've become a nightmare about it again im not sorry

-alex and i went halvsies on thigh high boots that are 100% for my Lavellan, because he's a thot and deserves them

-tell me not to spend another like $150cdn on the official shirts. theyre just. so SOFT. they are a pure sensory joy.

-i bought so many cardigans from independent artists, on preorders. and like none of them are here yet but next falls gonna be 👌👌👌

-i have a lolita problem. got to wear one of my fanciest to the cherry blossoms at the height of my pain flares back in the spring! i now have two new dresses on top of that! there's a third im eyeing right now to go with one of my new cardigans! its a real problem y'all 😂

-but by far my biggest and best decision was i saved up for two solid years and was able to buy myself A FREAKING PS5 without breaking budget at all?????? I'm genuinely proud of myself, this was the exact opposite of an impulse buy??? even got to gift a friend the CoD game that came with it, because i was never gonna touch that lol

Next year better keep up the good things, and no new fucking symptoms. Also, depending on the Yeti news, im not letting myself be that fucking stressed this time around.

[danielfuckingricciardo]

Rise Like A Phoenix - Chapter Twelve

Pairing - Jenson Button x Reader + Charles Leclerc x Reader + Daniel Ricciardo x Reader

Word Count - 1435

Content Warning - Swearing, death mention, injury mention, alcohol mention, bad coping mechanisms,

Synopsis - When a German agent goes missing investigating a diplomat’s disappearance, you are asked to take the case as your old adversary is revealed to be the one to blame. However, you soon find out that you will not be working alone, and will have to complete your mission with the help of agent Charles Leclerc.

Author’s Note - Fuck it, Final chapter guys! I was gonna wait for tomorrow but I couldn’t leave you hanging like that! I hope you enjoyed the fic, please do let me know what you think! I already have a sequel in the works which is very much teased at the end of this chapter. It’s been a wild ride, thanks very much for reading. Enjoy!

Chapter Twelve - I Promise We’ll See Each Other Again

Daniel had been the one to talk you into attending the funeral. You thought that, if you stayed away, you could live in denial for a little while longer. But he was right, after your six weeks of mandatory leave was over, you’d have to live in the real world once again. The real world where Jenson was dead.

No amount of mandatory therapy sessions or good quality scotch could prepare you for the day you’d have to walk into Jenson’s office once again and see it inhabited by someone else. You had no doubt that Lewis would be a good boss, that wasn’t the problem, it was the memories of Jenson that filled every corner of that office, of every corner of the MI6 building. Happy memories haunted every room, from those quick fumbles in the dark in the stationery cupboard, to laughing and joking in George’s office. Every room was him, and it hurt.

“I’m going to hand in my resignation.” You say to George who stood beside you. His glasses were covered in specks of rain, and his neat black suit was soggy from the torrential downpour.

“I understand. I’ll miss you like crazy, you’re the James Bond to my Q and working with you is a dream, but I can see how hard it would be for you coming back to work. You know, I keep forgetting he isn’t with us anymore, and expect him to come barrelling into my office like he always used to, yelling into his phone, dropping his papers everywhere.” George says, and you smile, remembering fondly how many times Jenson had disturbed the two of you when working on Svetlana to complain about some government bastard who was giving him a hard time.

“I’ll miss you too, you’re not just my work friend but my real friend. You mean a lot to me and you’ve saved my ass more times than I can count. I promise we’ll see each other again.” You say, offering George a small smile before walking away.

That day, you slid your letter of resignation into an envelope and walked the corridor to Jenson’s office for the last time. You knocked on the door, for old time’s sake, despite knowing it would be empty. You place the letter in the centre of the desk with a smile, before leaving the office which no longer belonged to your lover.

———

“So, how’s the patient?” You say, pushing your way into the hospital room, your arms filled with bunches of flowers and a bag of grapes.

“They’ve taken away my morphine.” Charles says, and you chuckle.

“Well then, that must mean you’re on the mend then, eh?” You say emptying your arms and throwing a loose grape in your mouth.

“They said there isn’t any permanent damage, and that I should be back on my feet in the next few weeks.” Charles says with a smile.

“That’s good news! George sends his love, and Lewis’ assistant sent flowers, I think the purple ones? The yellow ones are from Mark, and the weird green tree arrangement is from Sebastian.” You say, arranging the flowers on the windowsill alongside the already large collection of gifts.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the funeral. I wanted to be there to pay my respects.” Charles says, offering you a sympathetic smile.

“He wouldn’t hold it against you, honestly. He would have said something super cliche like ‘your recovery is the best way to pay your respects’ no doubt.” You say, a quiet laugh escaping your lips.

“Are you doing okay?” Charles asks, and you take a seat on the chair beside Charles’ hospital bed.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be okay. But I’m moving on, because I have to. Because if I don’t, I’ll just be stuck in my apartment for the rest of my life wasting the life he chose to save.” You say, a sob catching in your throat which you swallow down. You’d cried enough, you didn’t want to cry again.

“Well, being a badass agent and doing ‘epic Bond shit’ as you describe it will be the best way to honour his memory, I think.” Charles says, and you smile.

“I quit my job.” You say, and Charles looks at you wide-eyed.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I just couldn’t stay there with all the memories of Jenson hanging around like dusty cobwebs in every corner. But after taking down Fortescue and Sukharnikova I’ve had my share of offers elsewhere, and I accepted one of them.” You say, and Charles smiles.

“Sebastian said he’d wanted you to work for him for the longest time. He’s lucky to have you.” Charles says, and you shake your head.

“I didn’t take Sebastian’s offer actually, as tempting as it was. I followed my gut, and now I have a fancy watch and an even fancier lighter that some guy called Albert gave to me.” You say, and Charles’ mouth falls open in shock.

“You mean we’re going to be working together?” He asks, and you nod.

“Yep, and I think we’re neighbours now too. So you better get used to sharing those fucking pierogi.” You laugh.

———

Six weeks later, Charles was able to officially return to active duties, and you had been tasked to oversee his return back to work.

“Good to see you on your feet again.” You say, and Charles jumps, clicking his heels together in the air.

“I’m good as new and ready to go. I got a call from my brother, Coulthard wants to see us about a case.” Charles says, picking up his laptop case from his desk and zipping it up.

“Well then, partner, we’d better get going!” You say dragging Charles out of his office and down the corridor, stopping to knock on the ornate oak doors of your new boss, David Coulthard’s office.

“Come in!” You hear in that familiar Scottish accent from beyond the door.

Charles pushes the handle and you open the door, immediately making eye contact with Daniel and rushing over to him, wrapping him in the tightest hug.

“Long time no see, baby.” He says, lifting you up and spinning you around.

David clears his throat and you separate from Daniel, allowing you to notice the stranger who stood beside the desk, awkwardly fidgeting with his hands before him.

“This is Max Verstappen from the General Intelligence and Security Service in The Netherlands. Two weeks ago, his father Jos Verstappen broke into their headquarters and stole vital information regarding the identity of several active agents. We have reason to believe he is hiding in Monte Carlo, and I figured that you would be up to the task of tracing him and recovering that information.” David says, and you nod.

“Of course we are. We will certainly do our best. But if you don’t mind me asking, why is Daniel here?” You ask, and David smiles at you.

“You’re not our only new recruit, you know (y/n). I expect the three of you to work alongside Max to find his father.” David says, and you nod.

“The dream team reunited, lets fucking do this.” Daniel says, and you chuckle at his enthusiasm.

“Before you go and let Max catch you up to speed, you should go down to the garage, I believe Rosberg has a gift for you, shipped in this morning from London.” David says, a smile playing on his lips. Your eyes go wide as you realise exactly what, or who, he was referring to.

“Svetlana!” You shout as you enter the garage, spotting the familiar silver Aston Martin and running over to her, stroking her paintwork with your fingertips.

“Neither of us will ever be the sole receiver of her affections, will we?” Daniel asks Charles, and Charles laughs.

“(Y/n) is something else, I don’t think any one man could ever really satisfy her the way she deserves.” Charles responds, resting against the doorframe of the garage.

“Maybe there was someone. But as she always says, in this job, attachments are dangerous. It never ends well. For anyone.” Daniel says, looking over at you with sadness in his eyes as you converse with Rosberg, circling the car and ogling her with a look of pure glee on your face.

“Hey! Are you guys getting in, I need to take her for a quick spin before we get started on this whole Verstappen thing.” You shout and Charles and Daniel walk over to you, sliding into the passenger seats as you rev up the engine, driving her out of the garage and onto the streets of Monaco - the place you now called home.